Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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