Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
