Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
