Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
