Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
