i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
