that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
