You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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