You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
