he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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