i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
