I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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