I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
