I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
