the day after is always just damage control
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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