i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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