This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
