My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
