i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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