Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
