Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
