You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
