Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
