after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
