first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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