I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
