I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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