I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
