Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
