ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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