nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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