I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
