in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
