Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
