all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
