im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
