I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
