oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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