like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
