Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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