Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
