Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
