R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
