Just fell off a train. Bad.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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