He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
