you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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