from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
