The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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