dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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