So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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